july 3 - bli vuxen i usa

1:50am
 
oops, nytt blogg.se - äntligen? fortfarande frestande att byta till blogspot. för lat nu, dock.

när man jobbar för ett startup företag uppstår massa om och men, hur och när, etc. MEN det är chansen att vara en av de få att se ett företag växa from scratch. chansen att titta tillbaka, tufft klappa sig själv på axeln och säga "fan, jag är ganska grym." det är chansen att vara del av något stort, att våga ha åsikter, och jobba hårdare än någonsin.

efter examen i sverige är det okej att resa runt, att ha kul, att leva livet fullt ut den där sista sommaren eller året innan man ska spendera hela sitt liv i ett kontor eller något liknande. om man inte får jobb i usa efter examen är det skamligt, inkompetent, och (som internationell) olagligt att stanna kvar i landet. därför mina vänner, jobbar jag hårt som bara den för att förverkliga mina drömmar och ge tillbaka allt och lite till till mina föräldrar som allt för ofta får ett "hej pappa, jag är pank" samtal från "lilla" mig.

att dessutom behöva jobba andra jobb, planera en möhippa, hitta klänningar, leta lägenhet, sightseea med världens bästa linda, och dessutom leva sommarlivet i nyc (jag vet, låter riktigt jobbigt..) funkar inte riktigt. prioriteringar och disciplin - det är vad som ska ta mig igenom den här sommaren.

skaka nu inte på huvudet och påstå att jag gnäller. det faktum att jag sitter här med en kopp kaffe klockan 2 på morgonen och plöjer igenom jobb när jag vet att jag ska upp om ca 6 timmar, visar på annat.

so long,
jov

kako je,
tako je
 
 

june 6 - when the going gets rough

8:24pm

ibland är det tufft att vara internationell i usa. man är inte van vid den konstanta pressen att vara anställd för att ha kvar sitt visum, de tusentals dollarna man ska betala för försäkringar, tankesätten, och de väldigt annorlunda jobbmiljöerna. det går inte att tacka nej till ett jobb för man har inte mycket till val om man vill vara kvar och kunna leva där man vill leva.

idag var jag på ett riktigt udda humör där jag ifrågasatte om new york, usa och pr verkligen är vad jag vill göra. är det vad jag alltid velat göra och kommer jag alltid ha såhär kul när jag gör det? kommer pressen göra mig till det otrevliga monster mina föräldrar fick handskas med över skype idag och kommer pr verkligen ta mig någonvart? vill jag ha ett obestämt arbetsschema och vara kontorslös för alltid? ångrar jag att jag inte fick ta någon paus direkt efter plugget för att stanna i usa? ville jag verkligen inte ta semester efter examen och bara resa?

mest av allt vill jag bara lägga mig och vakna imorn som vanliga jovana.
hatar att vara en bitter-ni-vet-vad.

enough is enough. klaga är tråkigt.
dags att jobba igen.

xx,
jov


kad
tad




june 4 - this shit always gets me good

1:56am

there's nothing like waking up in a queen-sized bed with the lazic sisters after a great night out, heading home, meeting up with el and anna, going for a great walk/run in central park followed by a great sushi lunch, skype with olja and jole :) and, the best part, new serbian music!

i can't explain it. there's no music in the world that makes me feel the way serbian music does. i don't know why or how - it's just the way it is. and btw, i'm really happy if you didn't pick up on that already. haha.

tomorrow is filled with meetings and other have-tos. tuesday, as well! i'm excited to start new projects and begin this new week with a walk in the park tomorrow! the wedding is in two months and a day, which means i have two months and a day to get in perf-shape. don't doubt myself though, pretty disciplined when i'm pressured. haha.

iiih, gonna start planning olja's bachelorette party very soon and i've finally ordered my dress for church - so puuurdy.
anyways, back to the music and the smiles.

xx,
jov


hajde nosi sve,
hajde idi s mesta!




may 31 - you are my angel

2:56am

i'll be writing this blog in both swedish and english, whichever rocks my boat - today it's swerbian.

mitt liv är sjukt tillfredställande just nu. jag njuter av vuxenlivet och nuets lugn före nästa veckas storm. det betyder inte att jag inte blir ledsen när jag tittar upp mot min dators högra hörn och ser att idag är den dagen, den dagen för 6 månader sen som ändrade hela min familjs liv. den dag då vi alla förlorade vår bebis-garvande björn, deda.

tyvärr är jag inte personen som låter mig själv gråta framför andra ofta, jag är inte den som erkänner att jag mår dåligt, eller den som söker andras sympati. när morfar gick bort, däremot, var jag som en vägg, en vägg med ett vattenfall. det finns saker som varje dag påminner mig om honom: gamla män som lyser upp gatan när deras ansiktsuttryck går från bittra rynkor till innerliga leenden, gamla par som lyckligt går med sina barnbarn, cigaretter, sporter på tv, halstabletter, tuggummi, mackor, och massa annat vardagligt.

varför gråter jag inte varje dag? ett: för att min morfar skulle vara besviken och ledsen. två: för att varje minne med min morfar är ett glatt minne, till och med våra bråk. jag ler varje gång jag tänker på vilken mjukis han var innerst inne, hur han gjorde allt för sina barnbarn, hur han och hans bröder bråkade om politik, vägen utanför vårt hus i serbien och andra små-detaljer, hur han alltid såg stolt på min mormor och hans döttrar. jag har inget annat än att vara glad för att jag blev tilldelad privilegiet att ens ha 21 år med min morfar.
han var helt enkelt bäst.

jag går aldrig ensam längre och jag har världens finaste ängel att tacka för det.
lepo spavaj deda.


volim te zauvek 






april 18 - heaven

9:33am

the perfect feeling when you wake up and get out, the wind is kind of chilly, but you know that soon you'll be in central park sweating and overlooking an amazing sunrise. YES.

time for me to detox from the not-taking-care-of-myself-personality that i always am. i've decided to dedicate at least an hour per day to a physical activity. it's really not about loosing weight or getting fit (although that's a plus), it's more about being myself. i hate being lazy, having no energy, and just being in a bad mood. physical activities are the remedy for that! woot.

anyways, you live and you learn, right?
time for another eventful day: school, meeting, apartment showing

xo,
jov


can't complain on
the sunset either!




march 7 - η ζωή μου

12:25am

wow, i really wanna get out of new york for a while. i really need it. haven't felt this misplaced for a while. i guess it's because of the anxiety of my future. since i've been sick for the past two days, it gives me time to think and we all know that i can't think without overthinking. so sick of worrying for my future, where i'm gonna be, who and what i'm gonna be. time for a break and that break will do me good. LA in two days.

i just booked my supershuttle van that's gonna come pick me up at 6am on friday and a waxing appointment for the day before so i don't have to think about anything except working, breathing and hanging out with my sis. i am so incredibly over school that it's not even funny. i know, i only have two month left, thank god. but right now, i just want to be done. sick of reading about things that i'm never gonna be able to apply to my career or, to my life-experience or anything that will be part of my post-college life.

don't get me wrong, i'm so lucky to go to nyu and be in new york. but right now, nyu is killing my love for nyc and that's why this break is more than needed.

time to write a paper on the ottoman empire refugees in greece and go to bed.
xo






february 14 - all ♥'s day

8:15am

valentine's day in english, all hearts' day in swedish, the day of the ones in love in serbian.

i'm a firm non-believer in love and its powers. luckily, i'm surrounded by ridiculously happy couples that are constantly disproving my theory. the main couple being my parents. as i write this, my parents are soaking in love and luxury in egypt. it's become tradition, my dad surprising my mom. nedless to say, watching them is like watching the ideal newly weds (25 years later) because every day is valentines day for them. if i ever experience this, i'm going to be forever thankful - even if i don't, i will remain thankful for being surrounded by this kind of love.

as a single, non-believing, female-man, i'm not saying that i hate valentine's day nor do i hate all the couples kissing on the streets. nonetheless, i chose to go by the swedish definition of this day today. i may not have that one heart that i'm ready to give/do anything for, nor am i expected to in the near future. instead, i have many hearts, the hearts that make me who i am. the hearts that tell me to breathe when i'm hyperventilating, the hearts that laugh with me when i trip over air, the hearts that are there when i cry, the hearts that listen to me scream, the hearts that laugh with me until tears, the hearts that love me for the clumpsy, nervous, crazy self that i am. the hearts that are my family and my friends.

i would never trade you for any one heart in the world.
you know who you are,
xo.


i squeeze you
very much




november 23 - business meeting I

10:20pm

i am very content with my first meeting and with my employers. there's nothing like walking into a meeting feeling confident and prepared - so gratifying. the meeting was longer than i thought (about 3hrs), but was very interesting, fun and worth every hour. i've realized i not only love being busy all the time, i love working as well. after that quick realization, i ran to fairway to get food (hadn't eaten all day) and wine.

jam and i had our "romantic" date with wine and i wish that the empty wine bottle on the table was because of happy memories, happy thoughts and a great virtual date. but no - only half of is emptiness is rooted in happiness. the rest is not even worth arguing about, because there is not real answer as to why everything is happening the way it is. i wish i could be God for a day or two - would be great right now. skyped with sandypants for a good (and needed) two hours. we're so different, yet the best combo ever.

thanksgiving tomorrow - better thank god, the world, the spirits (or whoever/whatever you believe in) for the people around you, especially your family. and stop complaining about tiny shit - a time is gonna come when you regret it all. that being the case, spare yourself from being annoyed/irritated and just embrace every boring moment you get with your significant others - no matter how lame it gets, you might not get that moment again.

xo,
jov

orka att vi gör samma min..
min hjerta <3
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
ne dam nikom' ovu bol,
jer to je zivot moj



november 22 - mangasms

6:30pm

before i let my heart out (exaggerated), there are five things you need to know about me:

1. i don't trust people due to old "friends."
2. i hate wording my feelings.
3. i can't take compliments.
4. i'm very independent.
5. i'm a realist.

at age six to twelve, i changed "boyfriends" like most people change underwear. often times, these poor boys were threatened to get their asses kicked (by me), if they didn't want to be "mine." however, at age twelve, swimming became the love of my life and except for a fling here and there, the mere construct of a relationship was a joke to me. when i quit swimming, grew some boobs and when size 24 jeans finally fit me, guys started paying attention to former athlete-plank, jovana. that's when it all got complicated.

in my early teens, i had a steady boyfriend/s in serbia while sweden was on and off - mostly off. i fell in love for the first time when i was 16. it was amazing, butterflies and all. definitely not worth it though, as the butterflies quickly turned into everything not wanted. at 17, i met my prince charming. he treated me the way every girl would want to be treated. even then, something was missing - my "freedom," our mutual interests and goals. i haven't fallen in love since and i think it's gonna take long time before i do.
hence, all you need to know is that in the past four years i've been alone, but never lonely (and i haven't thought about it twice).

from the fifteen-year-old girl thinking she would get married at 21, to being 21 and not even searching for a partner, much has changed. my priorities have changed, my life has changed, as have i.
yet, one thing goes without saying:
if you want it - go get it.
xo,
jov


day and night,
"go beyond the cover"




november 14 - homesickness

2:16am

everything is going my way on many fronts in life, that's when i wish i had the people who mean the most to me around me. thank god for social media - what would i do without it? probably have thousands in phonebills and waste time watching photos of my beloveds.

oh well, only a month left until i go home and until then, i hope i won't have time to feel this way again. i usually manage to keep myself distracted from thinking about the people that i miss the most, but today, it just didn't work.

last night was great! or evening and night.
we met daniel and co. at the standard and enjoyed a cheeseplate, snacks and drinks while looking over the beautiful place that we call manhattan. after that i powerwalked my way up to 22nd and 8th, where i met jess and her mom for dinner at spice. it was deeelicious, and of course, we had some wine and the greatest maud had gotten me not only candy and coffee, but two pairs of tights - soooo sweet!

the rosenquists then walked me to 44th, where we said our goodbyes and i ended up at a german bar. chill, drank, had fun, and then headed to industry which was close by. it was fun, we danced and were laughing at everything, but we were also in despair because we realized that all the hottest men in the City are gay. being a straight woman on Manhattan is mission impossible ten. after industry, we headed to williamsburg and another gay bar called sugarland, where i got checked out by a lesbian and my glasses kept getting foggy. haha!

anyways, today was ok. finished a paper, did some research set up a social media strategy, sent out some e-mails and compiled shopping resources for anna. time for bed!
xo


fokuuzz




november 9 - the not-so-jovana-day

1:08am

i took a three hour nap today. three hours of my life were wasted just like that, just because i'm the most PMS-girl i've ever met today. everyone staring at my ripped jeans, chains with hanging crosses and faux fur didn't make the situation better. damn, i've been mad today.

headed to the gym with molly just to realize how weak i have become. apparently, i embody the strenght of chickenwings.. proud moments!

anyways, tomorrow is a new day. granted it's the killer day, i look forward to any day that isn't today. shit, nothing made me feel like this or anything, just fucking being a girl. not my thing. at all.
my new jewelry mom sent rocks my socks, almost the same way drake's new album and my disco-nails do.
the little things in life are love!
i'm going to bed.
and tomorrow i'll be the crazy swerbian again.
xo


i've asked about you and
they told me things




november 4 - dunkin jovnut pt. II

1:53am

life's unfair. we're all aware of it and there's no denying the fact that nothing is fair. nothing.
what we're not aware of though, is the fact that we need to move on. we need to be strong and we need to focus on what we have as opposed to what we don't.

getting stuck in the past is the easiest excuse to not deal with the future;
complaining is much easier than explaining what/who makes you truly happy;
and hiding behind a computer is much easier than enduring face-to-face interaction;
that doesn't mean you don't have to deal with all the abovementioned latters.

sometimes, you're just struck by life. when that happens, there's no running away. none.
i didn't get good news today, nor did i feel good today - my brain overheated with thoughts, as did my stomach with emotions. however, i was extra thankful for the people in my life and realized that every second with them is a gift (no matter how lame, it's the truth.).
xo, jov.


the all-around medicine
didn't really work this time.



november 3 - stay with me

10:18am

in a couple of hours, everything could change. every inch of my existence. i hope it's for the better. i pray it's for the better. but, i don't know if it's for the better.

further updates today depend completely on that one conversation. i won't promise anything, can't tell you anything. all i can do, is wait. and stay positive. i don't want to sound depressing, because i'm not depressed. definitely not. this is just plain worried jovana. there's nothing more to it.

have a great day and take care of your loved ones.
xo, jov.


i wish i could be God and say:
"let there be life"




september 19 - discrimination in the US

4:44pm

wow.. i got so mad in class that i couldn't say a word. my serbian temper took over and i just sat there, thinking to the point were my mind was overcooking. but no. not a word.

in my gender and communication class, we were discussing several articles touching on the class topics. earlier today, it was time to talk about transgendered and muslim women wearing a hijab. as the class started discussing on whether or not a transgendered ought to have the right to change the sex stated on their birthcertificate or not, i got startled when one of my classmates said, "in this homophobic country..." ok, first of all, if you call america homophobic, you have no clue about what homosexuals go through in pretty much 3/4 of the world. granted, there's a lot of discrimination here as well, but new york is definitely what i would call one of the global leaders in the fight for gay rights. furthermore, in this specific case, one cannot speak of america as an entity as these laws are primarily drafted on a state, not federal level.

the second topic was about the discrimination towards women wearing a hijab - post-9/11. prior to 9/11, the hijab was seen as something exotic and exciting. it was merely a cultural and religious symbol. it was interesting and cool - nothing else. five days after 9/11, the hijab became a symbol of terrorism? well, pretty much. the discrimination against women wearing a hijab increased, as it was no longer a respected or exciting religious symbol. in the specific case discussed in class, a female employee at hollister (go figure) was fired after three months of employment simply because she refused to take her scarf off. now, how is this moral? how is this rational? how is it that the picture of the "all-american" (which, btw doesn't exist as the real americans, the natives were, more or less, all killed by the ones now considered "all-american" - the wasps, the whites, the europeans - where is the "american" in those words?) is something more valued than the cultural diversity that has molded this country?

same-sex marriage is today legal in the state of new york and the fastest growing race in the US is the one we refer to as "mixed." when are people going to wake up and realize that we no longer live in the times of moses, jesus and mohammed? this is the 21st century. it's about compromising. it's about realizing that we live in a world with blurry borders. and it's about respecting and embracing each others differences.

i guess what i'm trying to say is:
don't be ignorant, don't discriminate,
treat everyone as you want to be treated
and then declare checkmate ;)
xo



i see you with your palms
in your pants




11 september - commemoration and clarification

11:33am

soo.. today ten years ago wasn't a very pleasant day for anyone. i am not going to discuss any of it on my blog. but, i have to say that the emphasis ought to be placed on the commemoration of the people that passed away, rather than on what might happen, and what terroristattacks might occur. granted, you can be frightened. although i personally think that terrorists are smarter than attacking on the day that everyone is expecting them to.
rest in peace all 9/11/01 victims.

moving along - thursday i was taking the subway to school with eleanor. in front of me was this skinny, gorgeous and very swedish-looking girl/woman. i felt like i had seen her before and today i found out that i had seen her - on the alexander wang runway. her name is linnea regnander and she started off in stockholmsgruppen, got signed with IMG and the rest is history. welcome to fashion week!

time to go to target! and then a skype-date awaits with my best parents!
xo


and this is how last night
ended




september 9 - fashion's night out

1:04am

picture a heaven of fashionistas mixed with a circus, a nightclub, halloween and christmas placed in the biggest metropolis of the world. that, ladies and gents, is fashion's night out in New York.

we got out really late, started at kay's friends mom's store, went to cole haan and had some champagne, and after a rapid transformation from death (boots), to death 2.0 (studded booties), we headed to the meatpacking district. upon arrival, we went straight to the standard, which btw has the most amazing view of new york, and chilled for about half an hour before realizing that we wanted to call it a night. i enjoyed the night because it was spent with my girls. but, next year this is probably gonna have to be an afternoon/evening event, not a nightly one. short, but sweet.

last year, i saw a couple of people whose styles impressed me. this year - one. having style doesn't mean that you know what is in style or not. knowing that means that you are well-dressed. having personal style means that you know yourself well enough to wear the clothes as if they were your second skin. i'm not referring to myself as some kind of style-expert or fashionista, but i know that there is nothing that i am more comfortable in than in my own clothes. today, those were a chiffon-skirt, a black tea, boots/studded booties, glasses, short chain-necklace, chain-bracelets with statements and, to finish it off, red lipstick.

tonight, i went by the name death.
names are deceiving.
goodnight!
xo


anywhere.




august 31 - the messy internationals

3:22am

this whole international student thing never gets old - the annoying part of it.
i hate not being in control, i hate not being able to have a real life conversation, i hate getting everything in the mail. gaaah. tonight is just not a good night - a simple class-switch turned into a waitlisting for spanish, leaving a class about indigenous australia as the back-up. god, can't you just let me learn greek?

good but tired day today. took a last shopping-round after "powerwalking" with my boys, grabbing coffee with them, then another spontaneous coffee. the day surprisingly ended with a coffee-encounter, followed by pretty little liars, pizza and diet coke.

i thought this was gonna be one of the few good-night-sleeps i have per year, but no. this just blew it all. i emailed four people in charge so i hope that that's gonna work out and that they can help me. NYU is pretty good at that, so i'm gonna stay positive and wait for tomorrow afternoon to check my mail and hopefully there will be a department consent for me to take elementary modern greek.

aahh, time to put on some the weeknd and anthony hamilton and make myself sleep.
xo


bathroom-photo - C.L.A.S.S.Y.
"tebi je lako otici,
jer sve si odnela"




july 6 - don't be scared

9:01am

a lot in life happens for a reason, or actually, the superstitiousness in me says that everything happens for a reason. regardless of how true my blurry statement may be, the point is that we have only the present to live for. we don't have a past with shitty and perfect days or a future bright as the sunniest day, nor one dark and hot as hell. all we know is that we are here today. i'm writing my blog, you're reading it. cherish every moment you have in the now, every person, every action, every feeling - simply cherish everything today, because in ne-yo's words "we might not get tomorrow."

got up all by myself at 7:14 this morning. i'm dreading that i've gotten into the same pattern as in new york - you know, waking up before my alarm makes me want to throw my phone in the wall? anyways, i decided to make the best out of it and went for a 45 minute powerwalk with romanian house blasting through my headphones :) it felt great. it was a good way to clear my head and, who knows, i might just make it a little ritual of mine - i'll keep you posted! it's time for me to devour the rest of my oatmeal, chug my coffee and get ready for work!

and yeah, watch water for elephants.
xo



i'll forgive
and forget



july 4 - happy USAday!

11:14am

it's sad to admit it, but the skies are as grey as i am today.

but, better days are to come. much better! in eleven days, sis and i are getting the heck out of here. on july 15th we're packing up our stuff for a five week trip through serbia leading to our final stop - kallithea, greece. can't wait to be surrounded by happy people and happy faces :)

the weekend was great. i worked on saturday and then it was time for me to drive up to gothenburg, where one of our closest friends celebrated her 23rd birthday. it was great. not a huge crowd, but great conversations, even better laughs, rough bitchslaps (!) and a perfect night overall! just what i needed.

while driving, i wore a top from topshop, pants from monki and a vintage leather belt, accompanied by baglady accessories. a quick change of top and belt resulted in a somewhat more partyish outfit. this time with a top from saint tropez, old belt (actually a necklace), and a bracelet from h&m.

happy fourth of july my fellow americans.
i wish you a great day of burgers, fries and american apparel,
followed by a perfect night getting loose with the goose!
xo



aj leleleleej
idemo na sve!



june 30 - fun tea?

12:27am

if you asked me two years ago, i would never have guessed that i would be lying here in my bed right now with a book on my righthand side and a cup of vanilla tea (!) on my lefthand side. i don't know whether to laugh or cry, to celebrate or mourn. i guess i just kinda grew up? alright, i don't want to lead you on, i matured a little bit :)

long day at work today, pretty empty since they're digging up the street in front of our entrance.. before going back home to eat, we went on our walk (which surprisingly became a run) around the lake :)

now, i just got back from wishing my bestest lindi a safe flight and a great time in chicago. i won't be seeing her until august 2, and that time - in kallithea :D can't wait. the place is just magical. magically wonderfully crazy and relaxing. contradicting? you'll believe it when you see it.

time for me to read my novel - "elsas mode" (elsa's fashion). ironically about a swedish girl that moved to new york to fulfill her dreams, but something went wrong in her attempt to live the fashion-elite life in the midst of manhattan's fashion people. i'll keep you posted.

xo




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