december 18 - why aren't I surprised?


i have now been at heathrow in 8 and a half hours. staring at this:

okok, i guess it's a nice tree and all. but nothing is nice for 8 and 1/2 hours - almost nothing. the reason for the delay was a seat malfunction when we were supposed to take off from JFK. the plane was full and since no one got enticed by the upgrade + $400 award for switching flight to one that left only 20 minutes later (could only have handluggage), we were stuck for about an hour. before we even arrived to heathrow, they announced that most of us were going to have to rebook our tickets...

this also means that when i arrive in sweden (when i hopefully do), i will have been traveling for 24 hours. so fresh and so clean clean (and so pissed off). i think the universe of travel and i have a passionate lovehating relationship.

anyways, sent in a claim and managed to get some work out of the way. now, i just need to stay awake until i take my window seat and doze off. pray i don't snore. thanks.


still doesn't feel like
finals week is over...

december 17 - D day


sorry for being the worst blogger ever. a lot has been on my mind lately, not to mention the amount of stress that came with finals week and work deadlines this year. and the personal stuff.

apparently, it wasn't for nothing - i have already gotten two grades: A and A-, now there's the class i'm extra worried about that is yet to be announced. but, as i told jess today, grades are so pointless if your mind is not set for gradschool. that is not to say that grades are irrelevant for your own good, if you set a goal in letters, then you should also reach that goal in letters. the question is how sound it is to set goals in letters that no one is going to look at when you get thrown out in the job market?

anyways, my past two days have been all about appreciating new york. or actually, yesterday was about being a dead starfish too tired to get up from the couch to even answer the phone. but today - today was about appreciating new york. had coffee with despi, went home and packed, and watched new year's eve with jess. after that, we tolk a short little walk, which i prolonged by getting off one subway stop too early, calling anna and going to my favorite street vendor for some grapes.

i'm all packed and ready to go. taking a cab at 2 tomorrow although my flight isn't until 6:35pm, don't want the frantic history to repeat itself for a third time and almost miss the flight again. i think it's time to step that part of the whole traveling procedure. anyways, this is how i've spent my two days of "freedom," in pics:

the dead starfish:

hästens has a great motto - too bad we have to agree to disagree

not even the bad photo from my crapberry can keep me from appreciating nyc

happy tired.girl.90 excited to go home:
see you on the other side,

december 11 - church


yesterday, jess and i met at starbucks, studied, played judges for her families annual gingerbread house competition, i texted with my sister and held the tears in. we then went to burger king and went our separate ways. i couldn't fall asleep until 4:30 last night. i ended up watching 6 episodes of gossip girl after finishing the studies allotted for the day. was i nervous for today maybe?

my bestest jess and i went to the serbian orthodox church today. i needed some kind of homey feeling, a feeling of being close to my family although i'm very far away. we walked in and after lighting candles for the dead and alive, we listened in on the service that suitably was about death. it was comforting and depressing at the same time. i laughed and then i cried among the furs, judgy, but loving serbs.

after a pitstop at jess's for mac and cheese, i decided to walk the 70 blocks that separate us. it felt great. relieving, relaxing, and processing. a lot has gone down this semester, in four days, this too shall pass.

time for studying, read seven chapters yesterday, four remaining.


when your heart beats,
it sings to me

December 10 - goodbye deda


as europe awakes, eastern america falls asleep.
you say your last goodbyes to deda, i greet him in my prayers.
i'm more than grateful for every second of fighting and laughing with my grandfather.
having him in my life has been a true blessing, one that i wouldn't change for the world.

sleep tight my hero.
dobrivoje stamenkovic

the following was written by me for his memorial:
(in serbian for you google translators)

"Мој деда, моја цигара, моје лесковачко бабурче, а пре свега - мој најбољи друг:

Најбоље сам знала да се свађам с тобом, али се никад нисам свађала од мржње, већ из љубави. Ово лето сам те замолила да ми обећаваш да ћеш живети до моје свадбе, а та свадба бих била за једно 16 год. Ниси могао то да издржиш, превише си патио, али нисам љута. Смејала сам се с тобом ово лето, али ме је срце болело док сам те гледала с тим штакама. Знај, деда, да неће проћи дан кад не мислим о теби, кад се не смејем јер си ми увек причао како се не смем удати док не научим да кувам, перем, и пеглам. Заувек ћеш живети у срцу мом, и увек ћеш бити уз мене, натераћу те чак и кад си заузет са другим анђелима. Они су срећни што те имају. Мада сам Богу љута што те је узео прерано, молим му се да ти никад не даје косилицу да направиш ”џумбус” у рају, као што би ти рекао. Пре свега сам му доживотно захвална јер ми је најбољег деду поклонио. Не могу бити присутна кад те сви одпрате, алу ћу бити ту свим срцем. Хвала што си био најбољи деда, што сам се могла с тобом смејати, зезати и свађати. Хвала што си ти био ти и мене научио како ја да будем ја.

Волим те пуно цигаро моја, немој никад то заборавити.

Лепо спавај, па ми се јави кад можеш.
/Твоја тврдоглава и луда унука Јока"

uzivaj majstore
s andjelima,
volim te

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